It wasn’t until I approached my late forties that I realized that my life had been a kind of consciousness school and that it was time to share what I had learnt. Intuitively I have always had a sense that I was never to go to “school” i.e. college or university for this learning, because life was going to be my teacher. Existence didn’t want me to learn the patterns of the generation I grew up in, it wanted to teach me a new way of being. I had a sense of always remaining open and inquisitive to its lessons even when they were hard. Being human makes it difficult to detach from what is happening to you and those you love. I always wanted to control the outcomes of things for myself and others so that I could feel safe and relax, be in control! I distinctly remember the day “I” returned to my body with the clear understanding that we are all spiritual beings simply having a human experience and once we understand this we are then free to create the life we really want, void of our fears.
Wow I was fascinated by this internal dialogue with myself and what seemed like god or universal truth speaking to me directly. My job was complete as a parent and now it was safe for me to come out. What did I want? Who am I? Exciting as it was, this was also very scary at the same time but from that day on I was different. I was no longer even able to say yes when I meant no. I used my truth as my communicator and allowed whatever came from that out into the open. I became courageous in speaking my truth, vulnerable and fearless. I was now the detective in my own life and I was determined to understand why I acted the way I did. It was time to come out of hiding and attend to my next job in life, to fully understand myself and how I communicated, this became my gift to share.
From there it took me a few years to figure out the totality of myself and why and how I had become, someone I was not. It was not easy on my husband either but because he could see that this was something I was determined to figure out, he agreed to join me on this journey of rediscovering myself. At this time I was in accounting for my own company of 28 years and I knew it was time for a change, those four walls and using that side of my brain was over. I needed to share what life had taught me, this was my new job. I spoke about it often to the point where I could see that people were fascinated with my story, clarity and passion, that indeed I was onto something. I was encouraged to speak and share with others in a bigger way. So I decided I must, I felt I had a responsibility to share what I had learnt and come to know that I was given this life journey and the wisdom it brought with it to be shared with others.
Shortly after this I felt I needed to be away from all that was familiar to me. I wanted some time to be plummeted into the unknown further, to be more vulnerable, to see how I would do and what I was to learn, so we sold our house, my husband bought a motorcycle and we toured around the world seeing 30 countries in 14 months. Sitting on the back of our bike gave me the opportunity I needed to hear my inner voice even more clearly without all the distractions of life. Let’s face it how many people get to sit for hours and hours and watch the world go by as they travel across new countries. My inner voice spoke to me often filling me full of the joy of living and life and all the endless possibilities that were in store for me, it’s as if I had tapped into my fairy godmother and all my wishes could be fulfilled and yet all I’m apparently doing is sitting on the back of that bike “doing nothing.” It was like being in a different reality. I would ask questions and receive answers clearly; I had found the open channel that most of us only get small tastes of throughout our lives. I had no thoughts of shopping, money management, making dinners, groceries, meetings with people for work; only the joy of simply being with me, my husband and our motorcycle. It was a feeling of complete freedom and finally experiencing what life and living is supposed to feel like not to mention realizing how incredibly awesome humans really are.
Once back into the reality of my life at home I was aware of how my mind would throw in the doubts of whether in fact I was up for this new venture. Do I have enough to say and share and questions came up to whether I was qualified enough or even worthy. It was so interesting that on the back of the bike I had no doubts what so ever and yet put back into my old life my outdated beliefs crept in, fortunately this time I was onto them, very aware that that is all they were, old beliefs, it didn’t make them true. This is where I realised for sure that I could do anything and the only thing that was stopping me before was beliefs that I had taken on from my conditioning and believed to be true. Once I could see that my true self is and always has been capable of whatever I want to put my mind to, free of the doubts and old beliefs of my past, I knew this was my next move. To become a messenger of change. I had cleared the pathway to share my gift fearlessly.
One of the fascinating discoveries I have made is that the only thing that stops one person from another sharing their message and becoming a messenger of change in the old belief patterns/doubts and stories they are still holding onto. Once we recognise what these actually are we can change them to align with what we want to do and be in our life, then this is when our lives really start to come to life. Can you imagine what kind of life you can be living right now with these doubts and old beliefs gone and out of your way. You will not only be living a fulfilling life for yourself but by having the courage to finally share your own message you will be allowing others to live theirs and that’s the best gift ever one person can give to another, so I encourage you that whatever your inner voice is whispering to you, say yes to it, own it and your gift so that you too may become a messenger of change and share your message with all of us.
I heard clearly a message on the back of the bike. I was going to write a book and coupled with that I was to do public speaking engagements as well. When I got back a friend of mine invited me to come and stay with her, she said that there was going to be a publisher, who only published books of inspiration, who was coming to do a talk that weekend. So off I went. The publisher and I hit it off and the next thing I know I am taking a three day workshop with her and a group of seven other new writers. The first few times I was shy and nervous to share my message with the others but as the days wore on I found that I loved it. Over the course of the next year I sat every day to write. Twice the name of an editor came across my desk so I met with her and she turned out to be the perfect match. It was as if once I made the decision to write, existence provided the tools I would need to complete my book. It was tough because I was also renovating my house at the same time and I took a year off work, so money was tight too but I pursued and eighteen months later, Can I Be Me without losing you? was released on Amazon. I have not only transcended my fear to speak my truth to those close to me but now I wasn’t even afraid to go up on stage, exposing my every thought in public and in a book, this was clearly my new job in life, to share my story and become a messenger of change for clearer, fearless, detached and more honest communication between us.
I have listened to hundreds of messengers of change and the one thing we all seem to have in common is the experience of hearing an inner voice whispering to us to go forward with an idea. Many doubt themselves because of their conditioning. My message to you is all about that, don’t listen to that voice that tells you that you aren’t smart enough, good enough, worthy enough or have something even important to say, I say you do, so go for it. If you have been hearing that voice understand that any doubts fears or beliefs are just simply that, old stories from your conditioning they are not true. Choose to let go of them and live fearlessly and become a messenger of change.
Together we can create the ripples of change that our world so desperately needs to heal, so I encourage you to connect with yourself, with me, with others who have gone before you for the encouragement you may need to use your own personal gifts and join me in becoming A Messenger of Change.
Good Luck! Chental
